01.26.17
It's odd.When I talk to the world, I still talk directly to you. When I was on one of the most life changing adventures of my life - you were... always there. As if you are the world. As if you hear me, when I'm at my most logical AND illogical.
I loved that. I loved you for that.
When I talk to the world. When I judge how "good I am", when I try to validate everything I've been through. It's still you I talk to.
I know it's not actually you.
I know it. The reality is - it was never that. But you became the other I talked to. And it's still kinda stayed that way.
Call it a personal litmus test.
There was so much left unsaid. Or unable to be said. But 'they' say - that's the way it works with soul mates.
Despite all the bad that has come from it, and all the blame that got tossed around that I'm completely sure I'm still 'guilty' for. You - or more importantly, that version of you - remains the guiding light that I judge my worth on.
As strange as it is.
When I talk to the world, it's to you. Never intentionally, or planned, it just creeps in. I'm actually pretty ok with that. I may have put that version of you on a pedestal - and I'm ok leaving that there.
I'm grateful even.
I needed someone to talk to, still.
Thank you.